Going Country

Hi gang,

Here’s my new address beginning 10/14:

1991 Chardonnay Drive
Oakley, CA 94561

Oakley is a smaller town that is not to be confused with Oakley, Oregon or Oakdale, CA (home of California Hershey’s plant or used to be). It’s Oakley… CALIFORNIA. “Oakley” is an old English boy’s name and means either “oak meadow” or “meadow of oak.” There’s also a possibility it refers to hazardous ground covering found in the above-referenced oak meadow, also known as “poison oakley.”

My two birds are not happy to be moving there because they know this is the location of their avian vet. (The famous Dr. Brian Speer who, in his spare time, makes a mean parakeet kabob.)

The area I’m moving to is flat. No view except a brown fence that looks over into the next door neighbor’s yard. I’m trying to see if their semi-cluttered backyard contains evidence of young women being held against their will. I realize that’s just paranoia on my part, since that would never happen out here, although I heard something related about the next town over— Antioch. Just rumor, I’m sure.

I’ve been told the Consecutive Cities–Bay Point, Pittsburg, Oakley (CA), Antioch and Brentwood are kind of competitive, with Antioch possibly holding the award for Best City for Keeping Captives.

The Delta is nearby as are the Delta Levees, who are unrelated to the Levis in my family as far as I know. I hope the Levees are able to prevent any flooding. I know the Levis in my family were affected by the Vanport (Portland) famous flood, so I’m a little uneasy that flooding runs in the family.

There is one Barnes and Noble that’s in Antioch that stupidly closes at 9:00 p.m rather than 11:00 p.m. which I expect of all B & Ns, just like I count on B & Ns having restrooms never being cleaned or inspected

Presumably this B & N’s cafe serves the same Starbucks Coffee which is not really the good Starbucks Coffee (it’s individually owned) but pretends to be the same. If you only drink Peet’s and don’t like Starbucks it’s because when you started with Peet’s before trying any Starbucks, your tastebuds have been immolated by the strength of Peet’s coffee. So you should have no opinion worth respecting regarding Starbucks.

They tell me there’s a Costco in Pittsburg. I don’t think I need to carry a weapon there, but I’ll call and ask the local library about that. There supposedly are a couple of libraries out this way, with shelves full of Gun and Ammo magazine, Fish and Game magazine, Hot Rod magazine, Greater Tattoos magazine, etc. To Kill a Mockingbird is found in the Dewey Decimal section on pesticides.

I believe .00067% of the population here is Jewish.

The two most recommended restaurants (AAA) are Black Bear and Round Table Pizzas. In case I’m ever able to entertain and pay back those of you who’ve
treated me for so long, I’ll find out if Black Bear and Round Table cater and if they can do lox, bagels, and herring.

I’ll try to keep you posted—those of you who continue to be my friend even though I’ll have moved on to the other side of Mt. Diablo. Remember that, after all, I’m still in the same county as many of you and surely that should count for something. I’ll still be the same good person you’ve known and loved/liked/tolerated, except for packing heat.

Love,

Tygerpen XXXXX

5 responses to “Going Country

  1. Oakley will be the humor spot of California now that they have you living there!

    • The online Oakley yellow pages shows 21 Comedy Clubs for Oakley. However, none of the listed ones were located in Oakley. Somewhere Oakley has 21 underground comedy clubs. XXXX T

  2. I hope to move too, not town, just houses. I really would like to get away from the crowds…. Found a house built in 1855 but going to look at it today. The lot isn’t as large as I wanted, only about half an acre :( but it’s in a hidden subdivision that is quiet and seems to have that “out in the country” feeling…. Older homes etc.
    You crack me up Trudi… I don’t know why I don’t see your posts on my scroll, but then I haven’t really been on much lately!
    Have a very PINK October Trudi.. Hugs and Blessings ~

    • HI K,
      Sounds tranquil/pastoral—the house. You might take a shovel along to
      turn over some soil to see if it’s up for planting an herb or vegetable garden as well as to move the dirt around to re-cover any bodies buried there by
      the local serial killer.
      Do you have a dog? Or killer cat? If you live alone out there, you’d probably want one along with your assault rifle.
      I have two birds who may not sound as good as a watchdog, but they’ve been trained when they fly to aim their beaks for the eyes or, if they miss, then the genitals.
      Happy Pink October to you, too. Let me know how your search goes.
      XXXX Tygerpen

      • Haha… Well, looks like my hubby isn’t going to let me have my beautiful house. The man just has NO sense of vision…LOL. We did have a serial killer here back in the late 70′s I think, but since this has been a family house, it would probably be more likely to have graves somewhere around. Too bad they sold off all the land around the house itself…. I guess it was a farm or small plantation back in 1855, so I assume my chances of finding bodies or treasure are pretty slim.

        I do have the killer cat though so I’m set in that department. Oh shoot (no pun intended) I don’t have an assault rifle yet. I have a grumpy husband tho so he would probably do in a pinch. He is just lucky that I’m a tolerant &/or forgiving person…. usually.

        I had to give my bird away… he loved the shower, when it was turned on…. LOL… Named him after Rush Limbaugh even. He was great, could sing and talk, but got irritated when we talked to the cats & would pout or cause a racket for attention. :D

        I’m still going to work on my hubby about the house… will probably try the birds tactic of pouting, but don’t for see any changing of his mind. That German part of him is STUBBORN…LOL or maybe it’s just male DNA. :D

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