Daily Archives: October 9, 2013

Going Country

Hi gang,

Here’s my new address beginning 10/14:

1991 Chardonnay Drive
Oakley, CA 94561

Oakley is a smaller town that is not to be confused with Oakley, Oregon or Oakdale, CA (home of California Hershey’s plant or used to be). It’s Oakley… CALIFORNIA. “Oakley” is an old English boy’s name and means either “oak meadow” or “meadow of oak.” There’s also a possibility it refers to hazardous ground covering found in the above-referenced oak meadow, also known as “poison oakley.”

My two birds are not happy to be moving there because they know this is the location of their avian vet. (The famous Dr. Brian Speer who, in his spare time, makes a mean parakeet kabob.)

The area I’m moving to is flat. No view except a brown fence that looks over into the next door neighbor’s yard. I’m trying to see if their semi-cluttered backyard contains evidence of young women being held against their will. I realize that’s just paranoia on my part, since that would never happen out here, although I heard something related about the next town over— Antioch. Just rumor, I’m sure.

I’ve been told the Consecutive Cities–Bay Point, Pittsburg, Oakley (CA), Antioch and Brentwood are kind of competitive, with Antioch possibly holding the award for Best City for Keeping Captives.

The Delta is nearby as are the Delta Levees, who are unrelated to the Levis in my family as far as I know. I hope the Levees are able to prevent any flooding. I know the Levis in my family were affected by the Vanport (Portland) famous flood, so I’m a little uneasy that flooding runs in the family.

There is one Barnes and Noble that’s in Antioch that stupidly closes at 9:00 p.m rather than 11:00 p.m. which I expect of all B & Ns, just like I count on B & Ns having restrooms never being cleaned or inspected

Presumably this B & N’s cafe serves the same Starbucks Coffee which is not really the good Starbucks Coffee (it’s individually owned) but pretends to be the same. If you only drink Peet’s and don’t like Starbucks it’s because when you started with Peet’s before trying any Starbucks, your tastebuds have been immolated by the strength of Peet’s coffee. So you should have no opinion worth respecting regarding Starbucks.

They tell me there’s a Costco in Pittsburg. I don’t think I need to carry a weapon there, but I’ll call and ask the local library about that. There supposedly are a couple of libraries out this way, with shelves full of Gun and Ammo magazine, Fish and Game magazine, Hot Rod magazine, Greater Tattoos magazine, etc. To Kill a Mockingbird is found in the Dewey Decimal section on pesticides.

I believe .00067% of the population here is Jewish.

The two most recommended restaurants (AAA) are Black Bear and Round Table Pizzas. In case I’m ever able to entertain and pay back those of you who’ve
treated me for so long, I’ll find out if Black Bear and Round Table cater and if they can do lox, bagels, and herring.

I’ll try to keep you posted—those of you who continue to be my friend even though I’ll have moved on to the other side of Mt. Diablo. Remember that, after all, I’m still in the same county as many of you and surely that should count for something. I’ll still be the same good person you’ve known and loved/liked/tolerated, except for packing heat.

Love,

Tygerpen XXXXX